What, too soon?

2013-11-30: I die my death a quarter mile at a time. Too fast, too soon.
Fast 7.
- Chamir

2013-07-08: You have worse luck parking than an Asiana Airlines pilot.
- Marshall

2013-05-21: When a German asks you for your paperwork, you should listen to them.
- AP

2013-01-16: Wow. All of these Catholics are crazy upset about Lennay not being real.
You can only imagine the kind of shitstorm it's going to be when they finally find out about Jesus.
- OnTheTwelfthNightOfLloydChristmas

2012-11-01: I had a new drink at the bar last night called the Sandy:
you dump a pint of water over a long island iced tea, then light it on fire.
- Justin

2012-10-31: Hurricaneween
http://instagram.com/p/RcwDUHHCna/
- justinweather

2012-08-03: Sears Extremists Fly Plane Into Willis Tower .
http://www.theonion.com/video/sears-extremists-fly-plane-into-willis-tower,29054/
- The Onion

2012-03-28: We're so popular, our captains say that we're about to blow up.
- Jet Blue

2012-02-24: Whitney Houston is now 12 days sober.
- James B.

2012-02-14: Silly bitches: Only I can do that much cocaine.
- Charlie Sheen

2011-05-03: It's been 10 yeras, and I just finally heard the BBC use the term OBL.
I think we should probably create a new sandwich, the OBLT... extra awesome with all that bacon in there.
- E Dub

2011-05-02: World Hide and Go Seek Champion 2001 - 2011
- KISSmyBLAKarts

2011-03-11: Huh... it looks like Japan nuked themselves this time.
- Marshall

2011-02-21: We're like a cult with better kool-aid. To die for!
- Hacienda Restaurants

2011-02-11: I, for one, welcome our new Egyptian military dictatorship overlords.
- Kent Brockman

2011-02-08: Halfrican.
- Niki H

2011-01-24: Come fly Moscow Airways. You'll have a blast.
- Nick H

2011-01-21: Twitter is dumber than becoming a Gabrielle Giffords staff member.
- Nick H